The Deer part 2

the next things happened quickly and i don't remember them that well. there was a lot of coughing, turning the car on and off, and calling the police. at this point, natasja brought up a very important point:

"hey guys, i don't know if this is important right now, but we should call erika to remind her to reserve Barnes hall."

erika is in our collective a cappella group, and Barnes Hall is where we usually hold hour twice-annual concert. an email had to be sent at midnight to confirm the reservation. tash was actually reminding us to confirm our reservation maybe 30 seconds after the crash where we almost died. priorities, people, priorities!

at this time i realized the magnitude of what had happened. my car was probably going to be totalled, the deer sure as hell died, i had no health inurance and i wasn't sure what kind of car insurance i had, and we weren't going to get home that night. so i stood in the middle of the ditch and screamed, emo style, the f word for a while. the only thing missing was that it should have been raining on my face and my makeup should have run artfully down, then i'd look down and swear revenge upon all that is good and holy, and take on a new, gothic view on life itself. dahhhkness...

While waiting for the policeman to come to our rescue, I kept noticing that I had liquid on my leg, and it didn’t feel like blood because no part of my leg was hurting. So apparently I kept repeating “I think I peed my pants”, and due to the fact that I was quite frightened, to say the least, it wasn’t out of the question for me.

by this time my face was puffing up like a delicious muffin in a hot oven, except not delicious, and my face isn't a muffin but i would say more like a blood-filled skin balloon. in all seriousness my lips and chin were pretty huge. i decided like a normal, rational person that i probably needed some ice for the swelling bosom that is my face. i just needed an ice pack or anything cold, you know. like bags of frozen peas or broccoli, or even straight ice. i'm not picky really.

and so 911 was called and a lone ranger by the name of...actually we never knew his name but we did get to ride in his car. i'll call him police mccopperpants. anyway mr. mccopperpants came to the rescue, and heroically asked us some pretty mundane questions, like 'are you okay' and 'aw that sucks i've hit my fair share of deer in my life'. Leigh and natasja, feeling famished and seeking revenge on our hoovèd friend and smelling the delicious smell of burnt carcass and hair, decided quickly and daringly to enquire if one may eat said carcass in the great state of Wisconsin. Officer Donut then responded in a quite confused tone: “I mean, I don’t have a problem with it. I wouldn’t recommend it though.” Although the officer piggy mcbaconpants didn’t show any signs of getting the joke, the two had a hearty laugh anyway, while I shivered in pee and fright and cold behind them. I didn’t really pee my pants, though, I should mention. It was just spilled coke or coffee or something.

Officer Eggs McSandwich then turned his attention to me and the task at hand. Surveying the accident scene he noticed that I had not only managed to destroy the front of my car with a deer, but also to ram said car into a sign, which was now bent over like prairie grasses in the breeze. Permant breeze.

“so…why did you hit the sign?” asked officer fatty britches.

I mumbled something about airbags and smoke inside the car and probably trailed off to a series of whimpers and “I peed my pants”s.

The Next Episode will be here shortly...